Post by PeanutButterJunkie on Jul 14, 2007 1:58:41 GMT -5
This is a blog I wrote that is unnecessarily mean to Adam Sandler. I told you I was a hard ass.
So I was sitting around on Tuesday watching the Newman/Redford classics Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and The Sting. It got me to thinking how wonderful classic cinema is, how well developed stories were, how character development was stressed, and how freaking hot Paul Newman was. It also reminded me how predictable contemporary cinema is, how as long as boobs and penis jokes are somehow involved a story is not needed, how the only character development is when a character realizes that there is more to life than boobs and penis jokes (but they are clearly very important), and how freaking *not* hot Will Ferrell is.
Contemporary cinema is based on two rules: if something was marginally successful in the past it is Hollywood's duty to make a crappy remake of it and if you include jokes that are the funniest to ten year olds you've clearly made an amazing film. Also a corollary to the remake rule is that if there is a successful book, a really crappy film version that assassinates the characters must be made. If you don't follow these rules, the chance of you making a film that will be seen is roughly twenty per cent. If you include a story people will call it too complicated and immediately dismiss it because they don't know what to think.
Let's look at your typical Adam Sandler movie, filled with penis jokes, beer and lots of boobs that his character eventually realizes aren't as important as the girl they belong to. Billy Madison, an immature guy goes back to school and wants to bang his third grade teacher. After he gets drunk and sees a penguin, he realizes that he loves this teacher because she has faith in him; then he grows up because she encourages him and a sinister guy is ruining his plans. The Waterboy, a slow guy who is afraid of boobs and football because of a smothering mom starts playing football because sinister guys are making him feel bad about himself; then a woman makes him realize boobs aren't bad and gives him the strength to stand up to his mother. He grows up. Big Daddy, a guy decides to get a kid to impress an ex-girlfriend. He doesn't care about the kid really but he figures it will make him look mature. Disgusting misadventure after disgusting misadventure, he realizes he needs to grow up and that he really loves this kid. Hmm, growing up, impressing girls because at first he likes her boobs but then he realizes he loves her, being disgusting... these are the only prerequisites for Adam Sandler to accept a script. Good standards.
The movies coming out this summer: God floods New York City and Wanda Sykes contributes wisecracks, Adam Sandler and Kevin James pretend to be gay for each other while Adam Sandler contributes wisecracks and likes Jessica Biel's boobs, thirteen guys who were former enemies have no problem getting together just to rob Al Pacino, this guy likes this girl's boobs so they have a one night stand which results in her pregnancy and his realization that he needs to grow up, beloved children's books are made into one movie that assassinates the characters, and four new movies from four series that make a lot of money at the box office are put out. Yeah...
Please go watch older movies. And for the love of God stop quoting Will Ferrell and that Stiller moron movies.
So I was sitting around on Tuesday watching the Newman/Redford classics Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and The Sting. It got me to thinking how wonderful classic cinema is, how well developed stories were, how character development was stressed, and how freaking hot Paul Newman was. It also reminded me how predictable contemporary cinema is, how as long as boobs and penis jokes are somehow involved a story is not needed, how the only character development is when a character realizes that there is more to life than boobs and penis jokes (but they are clearly very important), and how freaking *not* hot Will Ferrell is.
Contemporary cinema is based on two rules: if something was marginally successful in the past it is Hollywood's duty to make a crappy remake of it and if you include jokes that are the funniest to ten year olds you've clearly made an amazing film. Also a corollary to the remake rule is that if there is a successful book, a really crappy film version that assassinates the characters must be made. If you don't follow these rules, the chance of you making a film that will be seen is roughly twenty per cent. If you include a story people will call it too complicated and immediately dismiss it because they don't know what to think.
Let's look at your typical Adam Sandler movie, filled with penis jokes, beer and lots of boobs that his character eventually realizes aren't as important as the girl they belong to. Billy Madison, an immature guy goes back to school and wants to bang his third grade teacher. After he gets drunk and sees a penguin, he realizes that he loves this teacher because she has faith in him; then he grows up because she encourages him and a sinister guy is ruining his plans. The Waterboy, a slow guy who is afraid of boobs and football because of a smothering mom starts playing football because sinister guys are making him feel bad about himself; then a woman makes him realize boobs aren't bad and gives him the strength to stand up to his mother. He grows up. Big Daddy, a guy decides to get a kid to impress an ex-girlfriend. He doesn't care about the kid really but he figures it will make him look mature. Disgusting misadventure after disgusting misadventure, he realizes he needs to grow up and that he really loves this kid. Hmm, growing up, impressing girls because at first he likes her boobs but then he realizes he loves her, being disgusting... these are the only prerequisites for Adam Sandler to accept a script. Good standards.
The movies coming out this summer: God floods New York City and Wanda Sykes contributes wisecracks, Adam Sandler and Kevin James pretend to be gay for each other while Adam Sandler contributes wisecracks and likes Jessica Biel's boobs, thirteen guys who were former enemies have no problem getting together just to rob Al Pacino, this guy likes this girl's boobs so they have a one night stand which results in her pregnancy and his realization that he needs to grow up, beloved children's books are made into one movie that assassinates the characters, and four new movies from four series that make a lot of money at the box office are put out. Yeah...
Please go watch older movies. And for the love of God stop quoting Will Ferrell and that Stiller moron movies.
